First Session

I once heard that being busy preparing the wedding, the bride (and also the bridegroom) often forgets the essence of the marriage itself. Maybe that is what happens in my life recently. I am so busy preparing my wedding, not only have to go here and there checking everything, but also being worried if the wedding will go smoothly or not. It actually really squeezes my brain, since I just can’t stop worrying.

I really worry that the foods that I book aren’t enough for the guests. I worry about the mass, the text, and the songs for the mass. I still have to think of finding someone to become the MC of the reception. I still have to prepare rooms for guests that probably come overnight.

I still have a lot of things in my mind that I just can’t think about it.

So yes, the hectic of preparing the wedding really take my concentration that I can’t have enough time or even energy to prepare my mental, to prepare myself entering the new life. I even don’t have enough energy to ask myself, “Am I really ready to give my whole life—the rest of my whole life—to this young man with all the consequences? Am I ready to bear children, to educate them, to train them to differentiate the wrongs and the rights? Am I ready to be responsible for other people lives? Am I ready to be responsible to earn more and more money to cover my family’s needs?”

I am like out of my energy, my emotion. Thinking of just giving up right here. Thinking of tired of this and just can’t handle it.