:(

I'm so terribly very sick of this shit. Mau married aja urusannya ribet banget yak. Capek :(

First Session

I once heard that being busy preparing the wedding, the bride (and also the bridegroom) often forgets the essence of the marriage itself. Maybe that is what happens in my life recently. I am so busy preparing my wedding, not only have to go here and there checking everything, but also being worried if the wedding will go smoothly or not. It actually really squeezes my brain, since I just can’t stop worrying.

I really worry that the foods that I book aren’t enough for the guests. I worry about the mass, the text, and the songs for the mass. I still have to think of finding someone to become the MC of the reception. I still have to prepare rooms for guests that probably come overnight.

I still have a lot of things in my mind that I just can’t think about it.

So yes, the hectic of preparing the wedding really take my concentration that I can’t have enough time or even energy to prepare my mental, to prepare myself entering the new life. I even don’t have enough energy to ask myself, “Am I really ready to give my whole life—the rest of my whole life—to this young man with all the consequences? Am I ready to bear children, to educate them, to train them to differentiate the wrongs and the rights? Am I ready to be responsible for other people lives? Am I ready to be responsible to earn more and more money to cover my family’s needs?”

I am like out of my energy, my emotion. Thinking of just giving up right here. Thinking of tired of this and just can’t handle it.

Little Me

I'm getting married.
Yes, I'm getting married--even if I never expected that I would get married this soon.
Yes, I'm getting married--even if I still feel that I'm in the middle of nowhere.
Yes, I'm getting married--even if I still feel afraid of my future in my next future-with a husband, children, and a bunch of responsibilities of others' futures and lives.
Yes, I'm getting married--even if I think of quitting right here, right now.

But, yes, I'm getting married.

Ready or not. *sigh*

But all in all, this is my decision, ready to build a family, ready to live with others, ready to share my happiness and my sorrow with others, ready to be more responsible, ready to alter my dreams into another dreams, ready to face all the reality..

Here I am, with all my weaknesses, all my whine, all my hesitation..
Here I am, have to be ready for all the consequences of my choice..

Here I am, with me and my happiness of getting new life..

Here I am, learning to accept myself, including my incapability to cope all the things in the world..

Hwaiting, my love ♥

Why So Cheerful?

Why does this blog look so cheerful?

That's the first thought came to my mind when I decided to create another blog. I usually place myself in a very gloomy place when it comes to writing a blog. Why? Because I intended to express my dark side--the dark spot in my heart that I couldn't express them anywhere else.

So, why this blog becomes so cheerful? Yeah, I made it intentionally, to express all sides of me--not only the dark side, but all the cheerful side, the thoughtful side, the smart side, and even the stupidest side of me.

And I love the result! This blog, as long I notice, is very different from any other blogs I have (or no longer have). Let's keep it that way!

Cheers ^^

And It Begins

I, as long as I know me, have identified myself as an introvert, pathetic, little person who has nothing in mind. But then I realized that i have so much thoughts wandering in my mind. Happy, sad, angry, thoughtful, precious, and even unimaginable thought.

That's why then I decided to create another blog--this blog--as a trial and error blog to stimulate my mind. To stimulate my brain to express the unspoken thoughts.

Soooo, I hope this blog can be as cheerful, black, and confusing as I am..

Enjoy me!